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 Outlet.  Need an outlet. 
Need a channel. need something. need. 
Channel. Cope.
Need outlet
Give it
Burn it BURN IT!
Give channel
Need Need outlet
Give it away
Spend it.
Front Give take outlet spend give take outlet Outlet channel release
spend spend spend spend spend spend spend spend spend spend 


Feelin Good

 Something I don't normally write about lol. It's been odd the past month or so.  What with the whole getting married in only a month and such.  Yup, this time next month I will be getting ready to tie the knot and by 6pm I'll be a married man. EXCITED!

And really, since considering shamanism and coming to the realization that I can talk about the spiritual and metaphysical with my wife-to-be without her thinking I belong in a home (because we both already know we're crazy)  life in general has been improving.  I'm feeling good.  I'm actually trying to keep my head about me and not just float off somewhere. 

Lately its like I can just feel the energy all around.  Maybe its just me and my verge of the biggest change to happen in my life since my brothers were born.  Normally I'm scared to death of change.  I don't do well seeing plans through. But thats going to change. We'll have our own place, even if its not the house her mom said shes giving us, but thats another can of worms.  We will be keeping up our house on our own.  Working, buying groceries, laundry.  Eventually when we settle we'll also have a cat, which will be nice because I've never had a home without a pet and it would just make it feel even more like home. 

Our own furniture.  We control the house how we see fit. If we want to rearrange something we can. We buy what we want. We leave and come back when we want. We decorate how we want.  

I'm just happy and excited and YAY!!
 as defined by wiki

Shamanism is an anthropological term referencing a range of beliefs and practices regarding communication with the spiritual world.[2] A practitioner of shamanism is known as a shaman.

Apparently there is a sort of neo-shaman movement going on somewhere out there.  Personally I find anything dubbed 'neo' to be a bunch of fluff and not worth the time of anyone who is realized enough to take negativity and not end up at a shrink.  Basically 'neo' falls into that category of the multi-billion dollar industry known as self-help. 

Thats the problem with all these new age hippies.  Life isn't all roses and rainbows.  Bad things happen.  They happened in the past, they happen to good people, they will happen in the future.  Bad things will happen to you.  Take what you get, have the gumption to fix what you can and move on with  life.  Don't waste your money paying some psychobabble snake-oil salesman to fix your problems for you.  They can't. You're the only one that can face what you're going through and bring yourself out the other side.  Are you going to just float in a raging river hoping someone will save you, or are you going to reach out and take hold of the shore?
 Not too much accomplished today.  Had dinner at my friends house and swam in his pool.  Made a whirlpool. That was pretty cool... 

Working on clearing out clutter.  And starting packing for moving in with my wife-to-be. 


 2 days until the solstice.  I'm hoping having a party might fend off my little issue.  Seemed to work in the old days.  Planning a fire party Monday night.  Fire, food, wine and friends.

Last night i had an odd experience.  Family is in so I gave up my bed for them and sleep on the couch.  Of course my dick of a brother got the big couch so i had to sleep on the reclining love seat.  Interesting what a change in position can do for you. As close as I've gotten to a full OBE in quite a while.  
 I am tired of people.  Stupid people.  People who feel the need to blame anyone but themselves.  Especially people who feel they have the right to blame God for anything that might go wrong in their life.  

This is how it is.
God does not hate. 
God does not damn.

God gave man free will.  Do you know what that means?  That means man is accountable for his actions. 

"Where was God when ~blah blah blah" or "Why does God allow ~blah blah blah"
You know what? Shut the hell up! 

God allows man to reap the consequences of his actions.  

That means all this 'evil'?  ITS YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT!
*ksssssshshhhhhhhhhhh* *click*

Jun. 10th, 2010

Never before in our history has a generations such as this existed. We are a generation of 30yr old children. Actually reaching mid-life has become a crisis of adolescence and the mid-life crisis has become nothing more than 'Old'.

We feel we do all we can, and yet we still are in the same places.

Getting older is mandatory...

Growing up is impossible.

Jun. 9th, 2010

I keep thinking about my previous sleep deprivation 'experiment'. I now how enough time to do that again and not have to drive or do anything that might turn dangerous with a severe lack of sleep.

Interestingly enough, I just can't seem to get myself to go through with it. I make it to about 3 or 4 and then decide, eh, maybe tomorrow.

... Meme.... I know right!?


Full back

So I really didn't want to go to work today.  And in reality, I didn't.  At first it wasn't noticed, but then I realized I was not actually seeing what I was doing.  Not really understanding this, I tried to go about my work.  Then my body kept trying to work left handed.  I'm right handed. Apparently Ark is left handed but it wasn't until a few hours later that it was decided he got full front.  At the start of this, when everyone realized 'Oh. Shit. Uh. Rob is in here' there was a bit of confusion as to who was actually up front.  Seems a few tried to be in control at the same time and didn't work well together.  Dark, Victor, Ark, and I think Zarina all tried to take front.  Ark apparently got it eventually. 
So at the end of my 8hr shift, I had apparently only work maybe 1 and the rest was the others takin care of business. 
Not bad lol